Etta Mae's Edibles
More Marty's Thoughts about driving?
Step #1) Hire a General Manager.
Step #2. Hire a staff, (number unknown at this time) called Busting All Degenerate Drivers or BADD. The main thing we’re looking for is a staff that is fair. Their job duties will be:
a) Write a policy book that concerns proper and polite driving…along with driving maneuvers that are dangerous and irradiating to others on the road. This book will introduce a 1-10 point system, 10 being safe and helpful on the road to 1 representing dangerous and annoying. These will be called: Negligent and responsible citations or Narc or Narcs. Example: a driver who makes a U-Turn on Main Street to park on the opposite side. The NARC would be 5. Or…tailgating will be given a 2.
b) The staff will give each NARC a monetary value. Ex: A person who passes 22 cars on the shoulder while everyone else waits in the proper lane might be fined up to $300 and a possibility of a public beating.
c) This staff (in its early stages) will observe drivers. Eventually
There will be cameras on all cars. They will work 8 hours days. There will be 3 shifts. And if they notice a NARC they will enter it into their log. And enter NARCS in the master computer.
Step #3. Tag renewal dates will stay the same. But payment will differ depending on NARCS received throughout the year.
Step #4. Managing the account. The staff will be paid $28,000 a year. If they meet their NARC quote (determined by GM) they will receive an extra $500 a month. Abuse of NARCism could result in termination. Left over monies will be distributed to responsible citations (RC) and billed to negligent citations (NC). All money will have to balance. EX: if there are 2907 (NC) and 2534 (RC), there will still be (ex) $55,000 paid…$55,000 received.
Human Resources issues:
Fraternizing is acceptable and encouraged.
If you would like to add your comments please reply to marty@ksokradio.com
Make sure all comments have BADD under subject and relate to subject.
Get up to an extra 5 miles per gallon
Are your running on empty? How would you like to get up to an extra 5 miles per gallon? If you perform these simple tips you can get the most out of a tank full.
· Monitor tires -- Under-inflated tires or poorly aligned wheels waste fuel by forcing the engine to work harder. (Let the tires cool down before checking the air pressure.) Out-of-line wheels, as evidenced by uneven tread wear, should be aligned by a professional.
· Remove excess weight -- Remove unnecessary items from the vehicle. Less weight means better mileage.
· Consolidate trips and errands -- Also, try to travel when traffic is light so you can avoid stop-and-go conditions.
· Avoid excessive idling -- Shut off the engine while waiting for friends and family.
· Observe speed limits -- Besides being dangerous, 75 mph really burns the gas.
· Keep your engine "tuned up --" A well-maintained engine operates at peak efficiency, maximizing gas mileage.
· Use windows and air conditioning wisely -- Your mileage should improve if you keep the windows closed at highway speeds, since air drag is reduced. This is true even with the air conditioning on -assuming that the system is in good working order. But turn the air conditioning off in stop-and-go traffic to save fuel.
Jokes
Marriage is a three-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
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For Sale :
Wedding dress, size 8.
Worn once by mistake.
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There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car.
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The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "Have you any actual experience in picking lemons?""Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?" Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man." Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"
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Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."
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"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's Bar?"
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John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said, "I do!"
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The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."
Chelsea Clinton Discusses Current Events with a US Soldier
Chelsea Clinton recently discussed current events with a U.S. Soldier. She asked if, as an American fighting man, anything scared him.
He told her there were only three things he feared:
1. Osama
2. Obama
AND
3. Yo Mama
The Old Cow
Hillary and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the aged bovine was struck and killed.
Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
"What happened to you", asked Hillary?
Well, " the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me!"
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.
The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."
Tips on Pumping Gas
TIPS ON PUMPING GAS
Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening....your gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role.
A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.
When you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode. If you look you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low, middle, and high. In slow mode you should be pumping on low speed, thereby minimizing the vapors that are created while you are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapor return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapor. Those vapors are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you're getting less worth for your money.
One of the most important tips is to fill up when your gas tank is HALF FULL or HALF EMPTY. The reason for this is, the more gas you have in your tank the less air occupying its empty space. Gasoline evaporates faster than you can imagine . Gasoline storage tanks have an internal floating roof.
This roof serves as zero clearance between the gas and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation. Unlike service stations, here where I work, every truck that we load is temperature c ompensated so that every gallon is actually the exact amount.
Another reminder, if there is a gasoline truck pumping into the storage tanks when you stop to buy gas, DO NOT fill up--most likely the gasoline is being stirred up as the gas is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom.
Hope this will help you get the most value for your money.
Laff-A-Lot Lounge
Visit Marty's Laff-A-Lot Lounge 
One of the many holes Marty lost his ball on
